trip of firsts : 2023

Pre-Departure Preparedness 

I was so scared to leave. I would be misremembering the weeks before my first solo trip if I said anything different. It was very difficult to finally make that irreversible click to book the flight– one way. 

I did research and read lots of travel blogs to help me determine the proper gear, best international ATM cards, and decent travel insurance (still on the hunt for the last one!). I was determined to set myself up well so that I could enjoy my time abroad and focus simply on being present, speaking Spanish and exploring South America. Logistically, I was nearly set with my preparations. But mentally, I wasn’t so sure. I imagined it could be a lonely adventure: what if I wasn’t made for solo travel? 

To calm my nerves of entering a country where I knew absolutely nobody for hundreds of miles, I set up two volunteering experiences. This would give me time to get accustomed to being abroad while also helping a local project and saving money. 

Settling in 

The first volunteering went without complaint, and allowed me nearly a week to settle in and gain confidence speaking Spanish and being on my own. The homestay was near the capital Quito, and involved some simple cleaning work and delicious shared meals. 

When I had completed my short stay with them, I was ready to join a social hostel for two weeks and help with a combination of reception and breakfast preparation. Immediately when I arrived, an unsettling feeling came over me that I couldn’t quite shake. I had just left a host family experience where I was immersed in Spanish, while in turn the lengua franca at the hostel was English. I thus attributed this energy shift to the change in environment and language; it was my first hostel experience, and I was determined to make friends and have fun!

Later that afternoon, I had time to go exploring. All the volunteers were already good friends and planning to travel together in the following days when they finished their volunteering. You can’t easily join a group that is already that tight. Well, I left home by myself last week, I could walk around the city alone, too. 

I wandered around the historic section of Quito, taking care to commit the route to memory for the return. Phone hidden away, I was on high-alert: someone at the hostel had seen a phone snatched by a motorbike passenger straight from the hand of a pedestrian. Oh golly, wouldn’t that be a story– Gringa’s phone stolen in the first week of a supposed three-month trip. 

On the return after visiting a few nice sites and historic monuments, I was still struggling to feel present and appreciate the moment because of the newness of everything. So I did what anyone would do in this situation: I bought street food. Strolling down unfamiliar streets with the empanada in one hand and an empty stomach to receive it, I realized I had already achieved so much on my journey. This part of the walk really turned it around for me: I came back to the hostel not only with my phone, but a bit more confidence. Exploring alone– check!

going downhill

After the second evening in this new volunteering experience, I was on the rooftop with my mind spinning. I entered an anxious state about the situation I had found myself in. I committed two weeks of my time to help run a hostel that I didn’t like: the owners gave off a bad energy; there were so many rules to follow, and ones that made no sense; the reception shifts were at all hours of the day, and haphazardly assigned. But most importantly, I just straight up did not feel comfortable. My anxiety was high, much higher than the first days of my trip before arriving at this hostel.

The pressure to stay and the desire to run were battling it out under the Ecuadorian rain clouds as I tried to calm my breathing so as not to have a full blown panic attack. What was I supposed to do? 

Ok, I can stand up for myself, I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I’m an adult with free will. This was turning into an opportunity to learn, which was something I had signed up for when I left.

The following day, I would talk with one of the owners, the woman, to share my experience so far and request to change my departure date after one week instead of two. One week, that I could do. Two felt incomprehensibly large. Almost indefinite. I’d already been in Ecuador a lifetime, and just two weeks ago I had still been packing for the trip. Surely she would understand and we could come to an agreement.

Now I could sleep. And maybe when new people joined the following days, the hostel would feel different. 

highs

All the time I spent out of the hostel was amazing. I went on a free walking tour and made a little friend group of four. We viewed the Basilica, toured the gardens, learned how chocolate was made (and sampled it), and saw the famous statue of an angel that was made in protest of the church, with a penis to boot. 

After the tour, we went up the cable car to discover the nature outside of Quito boasting beautiful views of the city and nearby range of volcanoes. During our few hours wandering around the mountaintop being silly and meeting horses, a thunderstorm rolled in bringing chilled air and a power outage with it.

I said a little prayer for the cable car, which had been stopped in its tracks for at least 20 minutes while we waited out the storm. Thank god we had not yet started our descent… The only reasonable way down was the same cable car, so I held my breath for the start of the 15 minute ride.

That day, I really felt I could do this, I had learned so much already. I had made my first travel friends, something I’ll never forget. And after a lovely dinner and drinks, I was reminded that… Wait, you all leave tomorrow?!

lows

The following day, friends all scattered on their next adventures, I built up courage to talk to the owner about the situation. She received my comments well, and said she wanted to make sure I felt good with the arrangement and was having a good time. We agreed that I would finish the week and be free to leave after that. My anxiety subsided, and I questioned if I had been spinning my concerns out of proportion– they must have my interests at heart with that response. 

Not even two hours later, the same nice lady that I thought received me very well sent me a WhastApp message. This time… not so nice. It read something along the lines of “we found someone to take over your shifts for this week. We will need the bed, you can leave today.” (the room I was staying in was half empty). Oh.

My response wasn’t to high-tail it out of there like I might have now. Instead, I was like, wait a minute, who do you think you are? Did you not hear anything I said– why do you feel the need to kick me out tonight? Where the hell was I going to go? This was my first week in a foreign country, all alone, with no bed to sleep in. I had never been in this situation and felt more alone than before.

It was then that I realised in the whole operation of this hostel, the volunteers never mattered. The owners were looking for free labor to run their business instead of paying locals to do the job; we were not even people to them, just bodies to man the desk. Finding a replacement for the same day proved that to a tee. But leaving someone to the streets for whatever reason they justified themselves with was next level.

I actually went back and forth with the owners for a while about how unjust their solution was. Asking to stay in my bed that night because I had no plans for the night went unanswered.

After our exchange, I made the conscious decision, not without effort, to not let these selfish people take any more from me. I was already out for the day with a few people from the hostel, and I was absolutely going to enjoy the museum we were at. We took our time viewing the art and learning history from the knowledgeable guide.

On the way back, someone told me to try Hostelworld or Booking.com to reserve a bed for the night. (I had never used either at this point, hence the freak out. Didn’t know it could be so easy to sort out the situation) Since I didn’t have my card on me, I chose the option that didn’t require a deposit and was able to reserve a bed at a much nicer, much friendlier, much less anxiety inducing hostel, only three blocks away. 

the end, for now

Once I arrived there, I felt so much more at ease. Escaping that place was monumental on the road to sticking up for myself and searching for better opportunities. 

I made a new plan before I called my mom and told her everything. 

See you next Sunday. Thanks for reading!